I don’t profess to know or understand women, but I do my best. I was raised to respect women and to not invade their space too much…
unless they’re asking us to invade their space...
without actually opening their mouths to ask... Yea, so confusing, but I try.
I tried to be the best man for Alexandria, but that night when she went to her “sister’s house,” I knew then that things would never be the same.
She came home around 3am and I had built up my courage and strength to ask all the questions I’d had in me. I wasn’t scared of her, just scared of the unknown, scared of the answers and scared that things would be flipped and I’d look like the bad guy who didn’t give her time, space, and a listening ear… oh yea and that I didn’t try to tell her how to do any of the things listed.
Seems nothing is or was enough. I’d been listening to my DMX, some old school, Naughty by Nature, Drake (because he don’t give a shit about nobody and he apologizes at the same time) and a little of Ella Mai and H.E.R. I was trying to go over things in my head. I was fact checking times and dates. I didn’t want to be wrong, but I wasn’t going to address anything that I wasn’t almost sure about.
She came in and I was waiting up. She jumped when she saw me sitting there with the light on. She didn’t even give me a warm smile as I expected. She uttered, Whatcha want now?” She snorted and tried to pass me, but I stood up in front of her.
Her: “I don’t have time for this
Me: Time for what?
Her: What do you want?
Me: You, but it seems as if you don’t want me anymore…
Her: I don’t…
That was it. I was shoved out her way as she went in the bedroom. I followed just to see her packing things into a suitcase.
Suddenly I’d forgotten all I wanted to say and ask. I was hurt. My hurt turned to anger. I thought about some of the women I’d been with before her and those who kept trying to talk to me. I picked one and dialed her number… right in Alexandria’s face.
“Hello Porcha, what you doin, wanna come thru?”
I watched Alex’s body shift. I saw her cut her eyes in my direction and slow her movements.
“Me? Nothing, wanted to show you a good time.” I chuckle although she’s said nothing funny. In fact, she hadn’t even seemed interested, but Alex didn’t know that.
Alexandria turned around and rolled her eyes. She went into the bathroom to collect toiletries.
Porcha agrees to come over, so I invade the bathroom to retrieve candles. I begin lighting them then turn on some music as if I’m setting a romantic scene. I was angry, but I wasn’t showing it. I wanted to hit something. I want to fight whomever had Alex’s attention that she didn’t care that I was talking to another female.
She gathers the final of her belongings and looks at me as she’s grabbing her keys…
“F**k You Musa!” “F**k you!”
Then, she walks out the door and out of my life.
Porcha comes over and as we are sitting and talking, My mind is drifting. I can’t un-see Alexandria’s face when she’d uttered those final words…
Porcha’s cool, but she’s not Alex.
Maybe I should tell her.
Maybe I should call Alex.
Maybe I should just …
Usher sings…
- It's gonna burn for me to say this But it's coming from my heart It's been a long time coming But we done been fell apart Really wanna work this out But I don't think ya gonna change ya I do but you don't Think it's best we go our separate ways Tell me why I should stay in this relationship When I'm hurting baby, I ain't happy baby Plus there's so many other things I gotta deal with I think that you should let it burn –
HELP… What would you do (have done)?
~ Musa Simmons