First things first, understand that I love women. In particular... black women.
Now that I've got the disclaimer out the way... Yo, some of you must have skipped that course called "Dating 101."
See...I got this thing for beautiful women, especially beautiful black women… White chocolate, caramel, milk chocolate and dark chocolate. I love ‘em all. But understand I like to do everything in phases. This is one of the reasons why I date. Keep this in mind… when I date (and I’m just talking about me) I let the women I’m dating know that “WE ARE JUST DATING. I’m not looking for anything serious right now,” that way there should be no misunderstanding or entanglements. (Hi Jada.)
And don't get it twisted... I don't discriminate. You can be short, tall, thick or thin. Rock weaves, wigs, locs or even a fade. Yo... you can even be older than me, but not old enough to have an AARP card. Some of y’all need to fall back… there’s limits to everything. But most times, if you got that special something about you... then you can get it. The point I'm trying to make is... I love options.
Now dating for men falls under two categories. The 1st… “looking to have fun” and the 2nd … “looking for a committed relationship.” Most men believe that these definitions are universally known and understood by everyone. But… just because we believe that this is the case, doesn’t necessarily make it Gospel. See, what most people believe and what most people want to believe are totally different. And because of this, I've been called everything from a dog, slut, fuck boy and even a male whore (my mom's called me that one).
Y'all still with me? I'm just trying to set the stage... we're almost there.
Now for 3 months straight, I dated nothing but dark skinned women. During this time while at this restaurant with this gorgeous thick dark skinned sista (who shall remain nameless to protect the not so innocent), I happened to run in to this young lady that I had dated a few times earlier. Shorty was a winner in her own right. Everything about her I found appealing. Sis was independent, smart (there’s a difference between being smart and having intelligence. (Hi Jada.), career oriented, and she could cook her ass off. Like I said shorty was the truth.
She approached my date and I, said hello and introduced herself. Now... here's where shit went left for her. She smiled at me and then preceded to let my date know that I was a no good cheat and that she should be prepared to be my next conquest (yes, she used those exact words). Thickness then smiles at her caresses my hand and says " Sistagurl… Not that it's any of your business, but ****** is not my man, we're just dating. And how do you know if that's not what I'm expecting tonight." You should have seen the look on her face… classic. Now, I told you this story for a reason. Many, not all...but many of the women that I've encountered believe that when they start dating a man: that man is now in a relationship with that woman. Now... the reasons men date (and remember I’m speaking from a male’s perspective) is to
1. Find out if we have anything in common.
2. Find out if she has any warrants or multiple personalities.
3. Find out if we smashing or nah. And
4. Find out if she's carrying baggage from her last relationship and likes using the term entanglement as she has her man on national television while discussing their personal business. (Hi Jada.)
Most of the men I know never feel that we've crossed over into the foreign waters known as "Relationship" after the first couple of dates. While plenty of women do.
Ladies, I believe the secret to a happy life while interacting with the male specimen… or anyone for that matter is to listen closely and never expect anything. This way you never assume anything. All jokes aside, dating should be used as a testing ground to see if you’re both compatible with each others crazy, sexy…cool. When you put it in your mind that the guy you’ve only dated only two times is yours (the one you now call your man)… is acting out, maybe… just maybe he’s not the one with the problem.
All I’m saying is this, you’re not the only one with expectations. Some of us are actually honest with y’all. And when we tell you “our” truth… It might just be that you feel that you can change our minds with that magic box. It don’t work like that sis. IJS. I said this earlier… the secret is to
1. Listen, you can learn so much even when nothing is said.
2. Never expect anything, that way, your life won’t be messy.